Almost but Not Quite

A fair amount happened while I was away but for this post I’ll focus on my man story as I feel keen to share it.  Whilst on my travels last year, I had met someone, let’s call him Tall dude (TD).  We had a few calls but the meetings themselves were limited as we met towards the end of my trip.  Our first proper meet was awkward, infact I didn’t enjoy it.  I didn’t envision round two.  It seems he did and was either being mature about it, thinking first meets are always awful or had simply not felt anything was wrong.  Second meetup was ok.  That’s about as far as I would go, not as easy flowing as our calls had been but not as awful as the meeting the day before.

Despite the meetings being awkward, I felt somewhat connected to him through our earlier conversations.  Infact, I would go as far as to say, he was the first man I had felt connected to since my divorce.  Upon my return, we kept in touch, not regularly but we had the odd skype to catchup on life.  I don’t tend to keep casual male friends so this was unusual for me.  In my heart of heart, I possibly thought something might happen one day and I’m sure he did too which is why we made the effort.

Fast forward a year.  TD and I met whilst I was on my travels, we both knew there was a possibility I could end up in his home country prior to me coming home and it happened.  As far as I was concerned we were both on the same page; getting to know one another in a more serious way for marriage.

I dreaded our first meeting and decided if it was anything like our last ones then I wouldn’t be polite and ditch any suggestions for further meets.  Thankfully it was easy.  Perhaps having spoken on/off for a year meant we had developed a foundation or some sort of friendship that we were able to work off.  Our conversations ranged from intellectual to light and I would say we shared a fair amount in the time we spent together.

We bumped into his brother in law on one of the days and I jokingly mentioned that his family will be talking about the hot girl he was seen with.  He replied that his family knew we were meeting and getting to know each other while I was here.  A few days before I left, he had mentioned his sister was visiting (she lives in a different albeit nearby country) and on the day I was leaving, arranged for us to have lunch with his sister and her husband.  Perhaps I’m rusty at this but to me, it seemed to be going in a somewhat serious direction.   Yet I got to the last day and neither of us had that “where’s this going?” conversation.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a ring on my finger after this visit.  I was merely looking for a bit of a serious chat as to how we proceed.  Even at this stage, there were things I was uncertain about and had we decided to have the chat, I would have brought it up.

Slightly irked, I moved onto my next destination.  Irked as I had tried to broach things a couple times before I left but could tell he wasn’t for having it.  In our subsequent phone call, I grabbed the bull by the horns.  In his words, his life isn’t where it should be and he never brought anything up as it would force us to make a decision and potentially end the relationship in its entirety which isn’t what he wanted.  I felt it was slightly unfair as I hadn’t been considered in this nor been given any clarity and I said as much.

The time spent wasn’t a waste so the feeling of annoyance never came from that as such.  He was a perfect gentleman the whole time and good company.  Infact it made me realise how much I missed companionship.  My own gut feeling is that his parents’ messy divorce still affects him; he got scared, panicked and backed off.  The flip side could be that he simply decided he wasn’t interested and tried to be polite about it.  Whatever it is, it’s been left in my court to decide whether I want to continue talking, having been made clear that if we do then we talk only as friends as he doesn’t want to give any promises.  I’ve decided to take a step back, maybe still smarting a little that I got a bit excited at having potentially found someone I thought I connected with.

 

 

Silver Foxes

How old is too old when it comes to finding a partner?  I’ve always been attracted to the older man and remember well during my college days, my friends ribbing me about my taste in men.  As it happens though, first time around, I married a man who was only a couple of years older than me.

A friend’s brother approached me and asked if I was interested in getting to know Chappy.  I know of him and actually quite like what he stands for.  It’s my type of life or the life I could see myself leading.  Infact, had he been younger, there would have been no hesitation in my mind to say yes, let’s have a coffee.  The reality is different though.  There’s a twenty year age gap between us which makes him closer to my parents age than what he does mine.

My friends are the “say it straight” type of people.  “No, too old, you’ll be in your prime when he’s seventy” and “Laila, you want to be wiping a baby’s ass and not your husbands in ten years time” were two out the many pieces of advice I received.  The children aspect doesn’t bother me.  I really don’t see myself as a mother so to marry somebody older who already has grown children, might just suit me fine.  My best friend, Sal, told me to meet him.  I voiced my doubts, “What if I meet him, like him but I can’t get past the age difference?”.

I’m not naive enough to think that age is but a number.  I know it’s a reality.  Then I think to myself, well you never know what’s going to happen in life.  Should I just give it a chance?