Almost but Not Quite

A fair amount happened while I was away but for this post I’ll focus on my man story as I feel keen to share it.  Whilst on my travels last year, I had met someone, let’s call him Tall dude (TD).  We had a few calls but the meetings themselves were limited as we met towards the end of my trip.  Our first proper meet was awkward, infact I didn’t enjoy it.  I didn’t envision round two.  It seems he did and was either being mature about it, thinking first meets are always awful or had simply not felt anything was wrong.  Second meetup was ok.  That’s about as far as I would go, not as easy flowing as our calls had been but not as awful as the meeting the day before.

Despite the meetings being awkward, I felt somewhat connected to him through our earlier conversations.  Infact, I would go as far as to say, he was the first man I had felt connected to since my divorce.  Upon my return, we kept in touch, not regularly but we had the odd skype to catchup on life.  I don’t tend to keep casual male friends so this was unusual for me.  In my heart of heart, I possibly thought something might happen one day and I’m sure he did too which is why we made the effort.

Fast forward a year.  TD and I met whilst I was on my travels, we both knew there was a possibility I could end up in his home country prior to me coming home and it happened.  As far as I was concerned we were both on the same page; getting to know one another in a more serious way for marriage.

I dreaded our first meeting and decided if it was anything like our last ones then I wouldn’t be polite and ditch any suggestions for further meets.  Thankfully it was easy.  Perhaps having spoken on/off for a year meant we had developed a foundation or some sort of friendship that we were able to work off.  Our conversations ranged from intellectual to light and I would say we shared a fair amount in the time we spent together.

We bumped into his brother in law on one of the days and I jokingly mentioned that his family will be talking about the hot girl he was seen with.  He replied that his family knew we were meeting and getting to know each other while I was here.  A few days before I left, he had mentioned his sister was visiting (she lives in a different albeit nearby country) and on the day I was leaving, arranged for us to have lunch with his sister and her husband.  Perhaps I’m rusty at this but to me, it seemed to be going in a somewhat serious direction.   Yet I got to the last day and neither of us had that “where’s this going?” conversation.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for a ring on my finger after this visit.  I was merely looking for a bit of a serious chat as to how we proceed.  Even at this stage, there were things I was uncertain about and had we decided to have the chat, I would have brought it up.

Slightly irked, I moved onto my next destination.  Irked as I had tried to broach things a couple times before I left but could tell he wasn’t for having it.  In our subsequent phone call, I grabbed the bull by the horns.  In his words, his life isn’t where it should be and he never brought anything up as it would force us to make a decision and potentially end the relationship in its entirety which isn’t what he wanted.  I felt it was slightly unfair as I hadn’t been considered in this nor been given any clarity and I said as much.

The time spent wasn’t a waste so the feeling of annoyance never came from that as such.  He was a perfect gentleman the whole time and good company.  Infact it made me realise how much I missed companionship.  My own gut feeling is that his parents’ messy divorce still affects him; he got scared, panicked and backed off.  The flip side could be that he simply decided he wasn’t interested and tried to be polite about it.  Whatever it is, it’s been left in my court to decide whether I want to continue talking, having been made clear that if we do then we talk only as friends as he doesn’t want to give any promises.  I’ve decided to take a step back, maybe still smarting a little that I got a bit excited at having potentially found someone I thought I connected with.

 

 

Throwbacks

Eid Mubarak to one and all.  My own one for a number of reasons; working, recent bereavement of a dear relative and another family member going through difficulties (who is usually the life and soul of the party) made for a somewhat subdued Eid.  I did however enjoy the time with the masses in the evening.

I was writing in my journal this evening, a bit of time to myself.  How much writing do I do?  Blog, odd articles, journal…..!  I love these moments where I can retreat into my own thoughts.  I imagine an empty page, to me, is probably what a canvas looks like to a painter.  My journal is a close friend to me, encapsulating the worst of  my thoughts and the best of them.  I took myself to the beginning this evening and read through a few of the earlier entries in this particular book.  It got me thinking and I decided to include some of the entries into the blog.

The journal is a bit more raw, for some reason, than the blog.  I still can’t help but think…..was that really me?  It’s a powerful reminder of who I was reduced to, to who I am now – one amazingly strong woman in pursuit of life.

V Day

I love Valentines Day and for those who think it is a commercialised holiday, bah humbug.  I have never received a single valentines day card or gift in all my years and am never quite sure why I wake up so excited every year on this day.  But I will continue to do so!

The ex always droned on about how it was all a waste of money.  I always secretly hoped I would atleast get some petrol shop flowers.  I’m over the affair now but you know what still continues to grate on me……his past conquests all getting valentines day gifts.  Atleast be a cheat who stands by his conviction!

 

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Nikkah…..

….Misyar.  Literal translation I believe is “traveller’s marriage”.  I like to translate it as a “no strings attached” marriage.  To me, it’s just a slightly bent version of the Shia Mutaa (temporary) marriage.

About a year ago, I was asked if I would ever consider entering into one.  Having never heard of it, Google, once again was my friend.  A Misyar marriage can be defined as an official marriage contract between a man and a woman, with the condition that the spouses give up one, two or several of their rights by their own free will.  My initial reaction was to take offence, a natural one I think.  It sounded leery, creepy and just wrong.

Fast forward a year and I actually don’t think it’s as bad as it sounds.  Hold on, hold on….hear me out.  Rather than take it from the guy’s perspective, take it from the woman’s.  Essentially, you end up with a boyfriend type thing without a lot of the pains that go with a marriage.

Pros; booty calls (he’s yours, not necessarily you his!), emotional support, knight in shining armour support and a bit of the all important love thrown in……if you pick wisely. Forfeit; accommodation and being taken care of in the traditional sense (does that even exist anymore for the vast majority of woman expected to live in this 50/50 culture).

So……………is it really all that bad?