Ghosts of the Years Gone By

Are we bored yet of my cheating saga?  I know, I know…..it’s old news.  But you see, that’s the thing, there’s layers to this drama.  It’s not a case that he got his jollies off, we ended and happy days, we both live our own future now.  There were a number of other players to this story and unfortunately, living in the same city, somehow we enter into each other’s lives once again albeit indirectly.

An acquaintance of mine I discovered recently had become good friends with one of the so and so’s that covered for my ex during his affair.  Now there’s a difference maybe between knowing about the affair and being too scared to mention anything because you don’t want to ruin someone’s marriage.  That, I can somewhat try to understand.  This was deception; phoning me and pretending he needed help with his broken car to get my ex out the house, kidding on they were getting together for my ex’s birthday and plenty more.  I asked for an answer from him when everything surfaced but like most cowards when called out on their lies, he couldn’t face me.  Infact the only time he’s had the audacity to try to get in touch is when he fell out with my ex and wanted the tapes I had of my ex in a compromising situation.

What my acquaintance does is his business yet I felt a surge of anger when I discovered their friendship.  We have daily interactions and whilst I respect him, ultimately he doesn’t owe me anything.  Speaking about it briefly with him, I felt that old humiliation resurface.  I cut the conversation short, feeling embarrassed at hearing my voice crack.  How they all must have laughed at me, I started thinking.

How they must all still laugh at me.

11 thoughts on “Ghosts of the Years Gone By

  1. Gosh did this sound so heartbreakingly familiar. Been there got the scars. I had people cover for my ex husband during his affair too and to this day, severak years later, the humiliation cuts deep….how they must have laughed at me…karma will laugh in their face too one dat sis u just watch! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know exactly how you feel. Just when I think I’m good I’m over it, I’ve forgiven everyone involved.. I will go to a gathering.. see certain people and feel so triggered. Anger, sadness, shame all resurface. My cousin is my exes best friend.. his wife and kids came to Canada today.. at the same time I try to forgive him and pretend to myself that he didn’t know my ex was a bad guy.. but the truth is he did.. he would do drugs with him all day and night while he knew I was at home waiting.. he knew what kind of girl I was and what kind of guy my ex was and yet he kept quiet during my nikkah..I look at him and I’m caught between forgiving my cousin my blood and anger over someone who was so close and betrayed me and probably still hangs out with my ex

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This broke my heart to read. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and that you are still reminded of that cowards actions.

    For what it’s worth– I know some guys who have had to cover up for their friends. Although they participated, they all always felt bad for the girl being cheated on and secretly looked down on their guy friend; they only helped out of obligation. If it gives you any comfort, I bet that very few people are/were laughing at you. Most are probably disgusted with your ex’s actions and think you’re better off now.

    Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi laila….
    What an interesting read. I’ve stumbled upon your blog as I was searching for some words of courage and some strength.
    I’ve gone back to your initial blog post on your old site and am going to work my way through your posts and comment. I’m a little late to the journey but am both excited yet saddened to read about your struggles.
    Will leave comments on each posts… I guess a kind of self reflection.
    Love Bella x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sorry about the way you felt. It’s awful to have something unsuspecting trigger a very painful experience.
    For what it’s worth no one would have laughed at you. Why? Because you didn’t do anything stupid or hurtful. It was your ex who did it- your ex’s friends and acquaintances must have thought what a jackass he was for doing what he did.
    Also, you have shown tremendous courage and grace throughout this ordeal. If I who hasn’t even met you can appreciate that, do you think your ex’s social circle doesn’t?
    Give yourself a little more credit and a lot more love 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Many thanks everybody for taking the time to comment. This was an interesting moment over an emotion which I never expected to resurface. As with many things in this process, these emotions die down at some point and you gain a bit of perspective once things calm down. However I do like taking to my writings when I feel like this as sometimes I do believe it brings about the realities of pain felt at that moment in time x

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s