A question prompted by the last journalist that interviewed me (that sounds way more pompous than it should given I’ve been interviewed a total of….3 times) had me thinking about the reasons for why I don’t write under my real name.  Her question: “Why do you continue to write this blog?”.  My answer: “It’s a platform for me to express my feelings but I hope the blog also shows that we (women) aren’t meek creatures who wither away after traumas, splits, difficulties but we empower ourselves and carry on”.

The journalist commented on how she wanted to write about empowered women so my answer was perfect for her article.  That got me thinking; if I was really an empowered women, why am I not writing under my real name?  What stops me from revealing my superhuman identity…?

I don’t particularly care if people work out who I am.  Nobody has actually approached me about it except those whom I have told as well as the odd family member whom I’ve offended (I’m sure they’ve moved past it as they continue to enjoy reading the blog).  I’m well aware though that more people than that know about it particularly from some of the comments that get left.

Would I have the same freedom that I allow myself now, if I came out?  As it stands, I write about anything and everything.  I don’t hold back on much and most of my post split life is on this blog.  Coming from a small town, it’s great gossip fodder.

I don’t have to second guess myself.  This isn’t like Facebook where I take a moment to think before I post something, wondering if it’s appropriate or if anybody will get upset.  I don’t worry too much about offending anybody on the blog due to the preconceived notion that I am somewhat anonymous.

The biggest reason I probably never wrote under my name however was that I never wanted my blog to be seen as a means through which I was gaining some sort of retribution.  Essentially I’ve never wanted my ex to become the victim in all of this.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about it.  I’m not ashamed of anything I write about.  So why shouldn’t I write under my real name?  Fellow bloggers who write under pseudonyms, what’s your reasons and would you ever consider coming out the incognito closet?



13 thoughts on “Incognito

  1. Over the time I’ve been blogging, I’ve seen a few incognito bloggers ‘cone out’. It’s all personal to you though, and how you feel comfortable. I’ve let certain things out, and friendships have developed with people so they know more. It feels like sharing with friends. The only thing I won’t disclose on my blog is my children’s photos and names.


  2. You make good points – I am not ashamed of my writing too but if I “came out” to my friends and family I’d be more cautious of what I write…. That said if I feel I have a connection with someone via my blog I wouldn’t think twice about alerting them to who I really am it’s not a secret it’s just not something I want to shout out! My blog is just an outlet for general ramblings so pretty sure my friends and family would get bored of it anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha enjoyed the irony of the name lol. I do think sometimes I might give a different image to people that know me if they started to read my blog and I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or not! I’m sure folk would get bored of my ramblings too! X


  3. i write under not my name as well, just use my blog name as my name. if i work with fellow bloggers or brands though, then i’ll mention my name. otherwise publicly on my blog my name nor face is mentioned. i prefer it htis way! its up to how you feel comfortable! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I would never! It is my blogging fear to no longer be anonymous. This is where I write in complete honesty and without filter – a modern day “Dear Diary”. If I knew my friends and family could read this I would stop writing here altogether.
    * shudders at idea of identity being known *


    • Lol B Girl! Remain calm, your identity hasn’t been compromised (I don’t think). I was warned that I will probably only be able to remain anon for a certain length of time as people take great delight in revealing somebody’s online identity. It doesn’t fuss me a huge amount but it’s the honesty factor. I’m from a bit of a conservative family, I think some of them would die a death at the things I write x


  5. I have a few reasons as to why I want to stay anonymous — but the common thread between them all is that, as has been said already, I won’t be able to write as freely and honestly. Specifically:

    Re: friends — I sometimes use twitter to rant about things my friends have done (ie, see tweet about my friend’s bitchy message about not rsvp’ing to her wedding). I love my friends to death, but they do sometimes get on my nerves and I just need to vent about it before moving on. Something tells me they wouldn’t take kindly to reading those messages.

    Re: people I’m dating — I love getting dating advice from the twitter fam. But I’m sure the guys in question wouldn’t appreciate being dissected (or knowing my crazy paranoid thoughts). Not to mention scrolling through and reading about my previous one-night stands…

    Re: my family — I too have a very conservative family, and they sure as hell don’t need to know about the time I went to a sex club.

    Re: career — I work in a fairly uptight field. No need for my bosses and colleagues to know about my hookups — or how many hours at work I spend on twitter! 😛

    Suffice it to say I won’t be coming out anytime soon!!!


    • Re guys your dating coming across your blog…that’s happened to me via a matchmaking site firing out one of my blog articles and the guy I was getting to know reading it….and I was talking about him in it lol. It was fairly mortifying when he connected the dots but thankfully he didn’t take it too badly but probably learnt a lot about my past quicker than what I wanted him to! Lol well interesting to hear your answer as well as most other people’s. It seems we all like our anonymity! X


  6. You are nicer than me. If I had it my way, my ex would be named and shamed in front of the entire universe for what he has done. I commend you on your ability to still find it in yourself to give some thought on how revealing your identity would impact him.


    • Hey princess xx, oh I don’t care how it impacts him except for one thing that I’ve been very cautious about since day one; I never want anybody to view my ex as a victim. This is why I’m quite careful about what I do or say about my ex on a public platform or even to those around me as the tables should never be able to turn where people think of my ex as anything other than the vile man he is. I have nothing against naming and shaming my ex lol, I’m not that great a human being where I manage to rise above that lol x


  7. Hi….may I ask you something (unrelated to this post)? I am in a Western country whereby I have to show separation for 1 year before I can legally file for divorce. This wont occur until the start of December. He has slunked off back to Pakistan and has declared no intention of divorce as there has been zero contact since I threw him out. And let’s be straight up , he has no reason to take on the expense of legally filing for divorce as he can have up to 3 more wives religiously over there should he choose to. I obviously want out. In such a case, am I required to give what little they gave me back? My dilemma is that we gave way more to his mother and sisters in terms of jewellery and so I don’t feel compelled to return the one set. I intend to sell it and give the money to charity. I know he won’t return anything but, islamically, and the fact that I am initiating divorce- does this mean I have to give his $hit back? For me it’s the principle really . Not to mention that I have no desire to ever speak to these people again.


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