Officially Wife No. 1

As year four of the split comes closer, it’s unusual for me to have thoughts about my ex or my marriage.  So when I do, it can catch me off guard and lead to a strange mix of emotions.

For a few weeks now, I’ve had this feeling, as though I was being prepared for some news to come my way about my ex.  Living in a small town, it’s easily heard and difficult to avoid.  I knew he was married, thanks to the many people who attended his wedding (and felt the need to send me photos from it).  I figured he was probably going to become a father soon and feeling sorry for the possible foetus, thought nothing more of it.

I was sat with my sister at the weekend as she received some snapchats.  I caught glimpses of the photos.  It turns out I was wrong about the baby but rather, it was a very late walima party.  I could’ve shrugged it off like I did with the wedding but this time, possibly because of the deflated way I was already feeling, I couldn’t.  I felt stung by the injustice of it all.

15 thoughts on “Officially Wife No. 1

  1. In your heart of hearts you know that he doesn’t have a ‘happily ever after’… you’ve lived with him. Even your wedding pictures were probably really nice I bet but they belie the reality of the situation. You are already doing really well (seeing as you are no longer with him) and doing the things you want to do in life, but they will get even better for you! Take care of yourself 🙂

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    • Thanks JoJo and you’re right it’s not a life as such with him that I think about as I really feel nothing for him. I hate playing this tiny violin and acting like a victim however I do feel some resentment that he gets to move on with a new relationship while I’m still kissing frogs! But I get that I have done so much more than I probably would have if I was in a relationship x

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  2. Hugs and take courage. You know you don’t want to be there again. Wedding photos and walima parties are nice for show. But the road of marriage is bumpy at the best of times. With him it was unpleasant and dangerous. You better off out of this one! I know what you mean though. Why should he get to have all this and not you when he was the bad one? Well he’s not having all this his life won’t be great because of his own warped mind, I don’t know if I should but I feel sorry for the new wife. I am surprised that seeing as it is a small town where you live, nobody had vent of what he was like and he was allowed to marry someone. Big hugs to you.

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    • Yeah totally barthola but it’s not him at all I want to be with or really any thoughts of him that make me upset. It’s the fact he gets to move on with such ease whilst I’m still meeting people like sex deviant. Ah Barthola, his new wife is the mistress lol so she’s more than aware of what he’s like. She knows about the affair and that she was the cause of it as I sat with her. She’s gone in eyes wide open. X

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      • Well I don’t feel sorry for her then! There are a lot of idiots and sex deviants out there, you’re bound to bump into some of them but one day you’ll bump into the right one, probably when you’ve given up looking, and when you see him make sure you notice him! Lol. But also you probably have done much more than you would if you were in a relationship!x

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  3. You should take this opportunity to reflect on how lucky you have been to have walked away from a destructive relationship. I too get sad when I think of my ex husband but then I realise that being with him was toxic. All he was causing me was harm. He was a liability, not an asset 😉 as I’m sure is the case with your ex husband. And I have much more potential to achieve my dreams and live my life WITHOUT him, than I did WITH him-as do you. So let her have him. They seem well suited to each other. And as for you and I, and all the other girls who have been in abusive relationships? I say,GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!!

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    • Hi princess xx, maybe I’m lucky in that sense that I really don’t get sad thinking of him or my life with him. A good friend who I’ve known since 5 years old summed it up perfectly with a text she sent me:

      “I was reading the blog, sorry ur feeling a bit down just now. I get why it still bothers you even though in so many respects youve moved on. I imagine it feels like youve been forgotten and swept under the rug while he carries on a normal life after turning yours upside down. Its not him that youre mourning or pining for, its the life you had imagined you were going to live”. That’s more or less it. X

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