My Hijab…..My Choice?

Back in ye old day, hijab (Muslim headscarf) was taken as a sign that a girl was “heavy religious yaar”.  She would be considered strict and guys would generally know to keep a distance.  Hijab probably shouldn’t ever be used as a religious barometer though.  Plenty of women who don’t wear it are practising or more importantly morally fantastic and great women.   In saying that, those that wear it shouldn’t be villified either!  “Hijabis are just as bad as any other girl out there”, a phrase I hear quite regularly.

There’s been a notable difference between guys from ten years ago to now.  How hijab seems to affect them.  Ten years ago whilst navigating the marriage pool, I was never asked about hijab.  I can’t work out whether this was because I was being matched through friends and family so they had perhaps done a lot of the work for me, sifting out those who had a problem with it.

Ten years on, it doesn’t appear to be the hijab per se that’s a problem.  It’s about what’s underneath; “Can I see you without your hijab?”.  Instinctively, as a wearer, the reaction is to take offence and find the question somewhat disrespectful.  But when I think about it a bit more…..I actually get it.

Now I’m not saying to whip it off infront of every Omar, Ahmed or Ali.  Infact, I’m not saying to do anything as this is definitely not an advice piece.  I’ve ditched many guys who have asked me this question before even getting to know me.  I find that disrespectful.  Less so when a guy gets to know me for a bit, atleast has an idea of who or what I am and then asks (few and far between).

Many, I’m sure, will disagree with both versions.  I try to think logically about it though.  Attraction is important.  It’s important to me, to an extent, so ofcourse it’s going to matter to guys.  Most of us look fairly different without it and I won’t lie, some look better with it.

I attempted a twitter poll on this but having a small number of followers, it wasn’t hugely successful.

So what’s your thoughts?  Any experience of this?  Comments from guys and girls, wearers and non wearers welcome.  

 

11 thoughts on “My Hijab…..My Choice?

    • Hey Jya, do we live in a looks orientated world though or is it just logical that there has to be some type of attraction there….? One of my nightmares is whipping the hijab off and my man being horrified lol.

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  1. My friend Nadia who is a hijabi told me that wearing the hijab is for her,like for me wearing a cross. She’s been wearing a hijab for a few years now and told me she feels sheltered and closer to God. I’ll ask her what she thinks. ..as for me I have to say when I tried a headscarf on I looked better you couldn’t see my double chin or my jowls. ..so you might have a point there.

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    • Lol it is handy for keeping the chins tucked away! I feel proud of the almost instant identity I have with the hijab but am not sure if I feel a spiritual connection as such through it. Great comment and interested to hear your friend’s thoughts too x

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      • Hiya! I asked my friend Nadia and this is what she said: “Hey Barthola, hope your holidays are going well. No the guy is asking something that’s not permissible, as far as I know it’s not allowed, he has to wait till she’s married to see that part of her. To be honest it shows he’s more concerned about her physical appearance and I find men like that so off putting. And I totally agree with you as well physical beauty should take a second stand” . She said that last one because I said that once people know you and are starting to like you , it often is when physical beauty takes a second stand. Otherwise how do you explain people who are still in love after many years of marriage despite having changed physically? Take care.x

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      • I do admit I find it off putting as well as it makes me think that if I was ever to change physically, as most people do, then would that type of guy just ditch me. Then on another level, I can understand it. I’m very conflicted lol.

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  2. I would say no because the kind of guy I would want to marry wouldn’t make that kind of request.

    What is your Twitter handle by the way?

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  3. I wanted to write a small post on hijab too cause it surprisingly is more of a big deal than it should be. As for me, my ex never asked to see me without it because on our engagement (first time we met) I didn’t wear it..but he did tell me that me wearing it was one of the key factors to him wanting me..and then after marriage him and his mom thought it would be easy to convince me to take it off. So they could have the best of both worlds 😒

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    • See it’s interesting as I never really felt an issue with it before, the first time I got married. It’s definitely something that crops up a lot more nowadays and I find that some men are quite rude in the way they approach it too.

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