Back in my home town, feeling somewhat spiritual yesterday, I took a saunter to my local mosque to pray Jumaah (Friday prayer). Feeling spiritually inclined is a rare occurrence as of late for me. I have a fair bit of anger towards religion recently and feel suffocated by the restrictions which it imposes on me. How I can feel suffocated when I probably don’t adhere to half the impositions anyway, I’m not sure.
Don’t get me wrong. I love God. I think He has been pretty good to me in life. I think He listens to me when I buzz him and for the most part, he hasn’t thunder bolted me as He probably should have done many a times for many a things I say.
I just find religion…….a bit boring. When people gush about how many blessings they’ve been given, I tend to roll my eyes. When people utter out an “astagfirullah” (Lord forgive us) at hearing about some misfortune (a misfortune I could probably see myself enter into one day), I feel my jaw clench. But I can’t give you a reasonable explanation as to why I feel the way I do.
I come from a fairly religious family, immediate and extended. I tend not to air my views too much because frankly nobody really cares much about them. I would consider myself stuck in this grey area; not a die hard follower of religious doctrine nor a modern day liberalist.
I sat yesterday during the sermon……bored. I counted the Imam say “panj vaqt namaz” (pray five times), forty seven times. I listened as he referred to the congregation as “my brothers” for the most part of the sermon. I stifled a yawn as he cried in his final supplication about the fire of hell. I took away two lessons from the sermon; pray five times a day and grow a beard. I left, uninspired.