Peaks and Troughs

Back in my home town, feeling somewhat spiritual yesterday, I took a saunter to my local mosque to pray Jumaah (Friday prayer).  Feeling spiritually inclined is a rare occurrence as of late for me.  I have a fair bit of anger towards religion recently and feel suffocated by the restrictions which it imposes on me.  How I can feel suffocated when I probably don’t adhere to half the impositions anyway, I’m not sure.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love God.  I think He has been pretty good to me in life.  I think He listens to me when I buzz him and for the most part, he hasn’t thunder bolted me as He probably should have done many a times for many a things I say.

I just find religion…….a bit boring.  When people gush about how many blessings they’ve been given, I tend to roll my eyes.  When people utter out an “astagfirullah” (Lord forgive us) at hearing about some misfortune (a misfortune I could probably see myself enter into one day), I feel my jaw clench.  But I can’t give you a reasonable explanation as to why I feel the way I do.

I come from a fairly religious family, immediate and extended.  I tend not to air my views too much because frankly nobody really cares much about them.  I would consider myself stuck in this grey area; not a die hard follower of religious doctrine nor a modern day liberalist.

I sat yesterday during the sermon……bored.  I counted the Imam say “panj vaqt namaz” (pray five times), forty seven times.  I listened as he referred to the congregation as “my brothers” for the most part of the sermon.  I stifled a yawn as he cried in his final supplication about the fire of hell.  I took away two lessons from the sermon; pray five times a day and grow a beard.  I left, uninspired.

7 thoughts on “Peaks and Troughs

  1. You’re a lot more articulate than I when it comes to saying it how it is. I feel like this sometimes but I could never put it into words for the life of me. Whenever I have felt like this, it was because my Imaan (faith) was at an all time low. Everyone is full of opinions on how to rescue yourself from low Imaan but ultimately you gotta find what works for you. I am at a point where I am feeling a bit meh Imaan wise. I know I don’t want to feel like this and am taking this as a good sign- though some will say it isn’t enough. Ergo, I have decided to take one step towards Allah (by reading the whole Quraan- something I only ever accomplish during Ramadan)- in the hope that he reciprocates and takes a thouaand steps towards me 😅

    Liked by 1 person

  2. These thoughts are often taboo in the Muslim community – anything other than whole hearted support is considered suspect by many. … But don’t worry, there are a lot of us out there, and you are not alone. Whether you find your way back to Islam or not, and in what ever way you choose to do so, I wish you good fortune 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey JoJo. Yeah, they’re opinions that’s aren’t supposed to be voiced. But then it’s said that peaks and troughs are normal in faith of any type. Are we supposed to admit when we’re going through a religious downer….who knows. It’s probably something we’re supposed to work through privately …. you know me…have to blurt out everything on this blog 😂

      Liked by 1 person

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