Check Please!

The reactions from men, when they find out why the marriage ended, varies.  For the most part, they prefer to gloss over it.  I get it, a guy whose interested in you, doesn’t really want to think about you having slept with another guy.  I appreciate the ones who show a bit of empathy over the cheating scandal though, nothing major, just a small, “ugh” does me fine.  If a guy wants to indulge in a bit of “ex-bashing” on my behalf then I do think it’s rude to stop him.

The best reaction however came from a guy I met called Ozin.  Ozin still has a lot to learn about women.  I wasn’t too phased by the “atleast your ex found true love” part (I’ve heard that one before).  It was the “I wonder what you were doing wrong” bit that started to get under my skin.  Then came the line that had me snort coffee out my nose “I can empathise with you, I’ve been cheated on and been the cheat”.  Oh dear me, bye Ozin.

I tend to keep the split story short until I get to know them a little better, even then, I stick to the clichèd line of cheating.  Unless it’s really going to go somewhere, maybe then it’s only fair to mention the rest.  I’ve never got to that stage yet, where I’ve had to mention the abuse or perhaps I haven’t ever felt that it’s necessary.

9 thoughts on “Check Please!

  1. It is typical of our men especially, to gloss over the reasons. I think you’re right to wait until you open your heart fully… But at least you’re out there trying to meet people. Insh Allah your special ‘he’ will appear in front of you soon 😊

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  2. Personally, I don’t get it when a guy is uncomfortable with his wife having been with someone previously. I would actually look down on, and belittle, a guy who thought of a woman as ‘used goods’ just because of a previous marriage- some insecure men feel the need to be ‘the first’ or ‘the only one’ because they don’t know how to handle a woman with a bit of life experience. It’s good if you find that out early so you can ditch them and get yourself the real man you deserve 🙂

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    • Missed you jojo! Well it’s the reality isn’t it. Many men have shagged about yet expect a virginous bride. It’s the warped world we live in. But I have found most guys are not bad around the whole divorce thing even if they haven’t been married before, perhaps because society is changing and it is becoming more common

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  3. You know what it’s a great way of finding out if this guy is here to stay or if he just wants the cookie. “Hi, my name is blah and I’ve had sex”. I am so sick of hiding things about myself wondering if I am going to put someone off or not. Why doesn’t anyone show me the same consideration? The guys I’ve met list off the people they’ve been with like trophies, but when it comes to women doing the same, they can’t handle it. Times have changed, if you can’t deal with it then move on!

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    • That was gonna be my plan! My ‘number’ was always going to be n+1, where n= the number of women the guy has been with 😀 Just to see if he can handle me being more ‘experienced’. If someone reacts badly/immaturely, I can reveal the truth and move on!

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    • Interesting PP! But maybe I’m guilty of that too? For example, yes obviously I’ve had sex but it’s been within my marriage. So when a guy tells me he’s had loads of relationships then it does make me pause for a moment. Granted, I’ve got to know them and decided that their past is their past but I’ll admit I still get twinges thinking well he’s done what I never did. If I was able to keep myself a certain way then should I not be able to expect that he could too?

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      • That’s a very tricky situation… and it’s not just relegated to Asian/Desi families; there are plenty of North American/ European. women who have a hard time dealing with their partners’ colorful past. There’s the aspect of inequal experience but also the nagging question of what if this person doesn’t share the same values as I do? As you said, there’s often a different conotation associated with having sex within marriage versus without. What I am glad about is that you are meeting people!😀 That is the hardest hump to get over! Good luck put there!😀

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