Year Three

It occurred to me that I passed the three year mark.  I missed acknowledging the actual day as it never entered my mind.  A good sign, all in all.  What lessons have I taken from year three?

Bad guys do win.  As I have always said, there have never been any real repercussions for my ex.  He has married, will probably impregnate the new wife soon enough and is carrying on as though nothing happened.  C’est la vie!

Forgiveness heals.  In June of this year, I forgave.  It seems like such a small thing to say and in all honesty, I wasn’t fully aware of what I was doing.  It just happened.  I realised that I didn’t care for somebody to kneecap him, I wasn’t wishing a painful death on him….I just didn’t care either way what happened to him.  But I hoped he treated his new wife better than what he did me.  That’s what forgiveness does, it makes you a better person.  It makes you less angry.  It makes you feel light.

Exude positivity and the Universe responds.  Only recently did I realise how negative I had been feeling.  The past six months or so have seen me exude positivity through feeling genuinely happier.  I attracted people.  People wanted to be around me, I had fun with them, made new friends and yes, I even attracted some lovely men.

People will judge.  I feel judged by family members, judged by family friends and generally judged by society.  The question is, do we allow their judgements to shape us?

Year three has been one of pondering, healing, forgiving and moving on.  Perhaps it takes others less time, others longer.  We move through this journey at our own pace.  In truth nobody can help us heal.  We rely on our own strength to break away from the past.

17 thoughts on “Year Three

  1. Salam,

    I am so happy for you that you have positivity in your life now. Your right every individual has their journey and healing process is done by what they can or can’t handle.

    Keep going your path eventually even the ones that judge you, you will forgive them and move on. Most people like that do not stay in your life long since they are there to cause misery. When you let them not get under your skin they themselves will filter out of your life. Family is family but even they can be filtered.

    Keep living your life and I pray that Allah (SWT) keeps guiding you to a happier path which you are on Insha’Allah.

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    • Thanks Ritu, I think it is something which happens naturally in society. A 30 something your old woman who doesn’t have any kids has judgements passed upon her without anybody knowing her story. It is frustrating that as women, we have to constantly defend ourselves and perhaps our choices.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Re. bad guys do win: It might look that way superficially, but he has to live with who he is and what he has done. I’m sure he gave himself lots of great excuses for it, but very few people can hide from themselves forever, and if he isn’t facing his truth now he probably will at some point.

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  3. Hi i am a 31 year old divorcee who is still depressed and unemployed. It was nice reading that you have moved on, i will too hopefully one day 😦

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    • Hey Sarah,
      Of course you will move on. It is hard at first and takes time but you will find true happiness. Be hopeful and don’t give up. I’m in a similar position but I’m just trying to keep going.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Sarah, I’m sorry you’re going through a difficult time just now. You will heal from it but it involves taking power back. Feel free to drop me an email and I might be able to offer some advice. It does sometimes take a bit of time for me to reply but I always do x

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  4. “Bad guys do win” only if you perceive getting married again and having children as “winning”. Although we all have the right to be happy, when you treat the person you commited to in front of Allah SWT like crap, it comes back to you. I hope he is miserable as hell. P.S I feel your pain, as I have recently gone through a divorce.

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    • I’m sorry z for your own pain. You’re right, success is not measured by marriage or children. However, we all look for company and perhaps it irks me as to how quickly men who do bad get it whilst woman tend to perhaps be scarred more by the circumstances or it generally takes us longer.

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  5. That’s great that you forgave him, cause like you said you are able to enjoy things around you, be positive and feel free..I have yet to forgive, and I want someone to knee my ex really hard in just the right place lol

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    • Trust me it takes time to get to that stage. For a number of years, I wanted to do more than just knee him there and even considered doing a “bobbit” but eventually you get to the stage where you stop thinking about mutilating his netherregions x I wouldn’t focus on forgiving if you’re recently split but focus on yourself and how you want to rebuild yourself from this x

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m afraid of feeling worse than I already am..I’m so afraid of knowing he’s happy and moved on or worse found someone to be happy to..it would be too much for me and yet, I know that I’ve handled everything else so I would also handle that bit..our society and culture has made life so easy for men and so much harder for women.

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      • A wise friend once spoke to me a couple months after my split. She told me that I probably still had to hit rock bottom and once I did, there was nowhere else to go except up. At that time, I thought ‘Girl be crazy’, I can’t take any more pain. She was right though. And that’s one thing to take solace from, when you’ve hit rock bottom, you can only come back up. Don’t be scared about him and his happiness. Be more concerned about yours and how to create your own happiness x society is geared towards men but as woman, we have the power to conform or Change x

        Liked by 1 person

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