Does the Past Define the Future?

Related to relationships given we can now establish that I have a few issues with new ones, is it pragmatic of me to assume that the actions of somebody committed in the past will be brought into his present/future?  Or is this cynicism?

I like to think of myself as a logical person.  I spoke at length the other day with my dad about this.  We differ somewhat in our thoughts.  I find myself wanting to know every single detail of the person’s past.  I realise that there is always going to be the risk that any new man won’t be honest, particularly as I’m not living within my own community where I could have easily phoned somebody to do some digging for me.

But what if the person is honest.  For somebody who comes from a somewhat conservative and perhaps sheltered background (or atleast I did until my move!), the things which people do still unsettles me.  My concerns; is it easy to slip into old habits?  Should I be on the quest for some puritan only or do I accept that we all have some baggage?

My ex was never honest about his past and perhaps due to my young age or lack of experience, I never questioned it much.  His past included a number of women and relationships.  He was clearly unable to settle down.  Therefore is it reasonable to expect that any guy who has had plenty of past relationships will be the same and that eventually they all slip back into old habits?

My dad tells me that if somebody is honest enough to admit they have made mistakes, I shouldn’t delve into it.  They admitted something which was potentially difficult to them and I should focus on what their plan is for the future.  I just don’t know what the right answer is.  The more people I ask, the more confused I seem to get.

7 thoughts on “Does the Past Define the Future?

  1. Be suspicious of any adult in their 30s or older claiming they have never been involved with anyone!

    If your new man admits to past relationships, then at least he’s being honest. Best to celebrate the baggage we all carry with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I believe the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. The only times this principle can be over-ridden is if the person openly admits their past mistakes, accepts responsibility for them AND shows ways in which he/she is trying to change.

    In all other ways, be sceptical, IMO. People are usually doing their best to show you what they are really like, so don’t ignore the signs and and kid yourself that you’re somehow special and that the other person will change for you. If he’s seen other women as disposable, chances are you will be treated as disposable too.

    It is tough – the injustice of being treated badly is even deeper than simply the pain of being hurt, it often transforms people into beings who are capable of hurting others in the same way, often as a self-protection mechanism (‘if I don’t get close to someone I won’t get hurt again) but that means one may not form a healthy relationship after being hurt.

    But… the rewards, if one takes the risk, are immense 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      • In this case, unfortunately yes! Though it was with a friend rather than a partner. We were very close and she had no problem at all leaning on me for support (which I don’t mind giving) but ditched me in rather a cruel way when things were looking up for her. Should have seen it coming really, I saw her do the same to other friends, though the fact she spoke so frankly about it with me should have alerted me, but I just assumed she felt bad about her past mistakes and had learned from them!


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