The Penny Drops

Divorce itself is fairly difficult to heal from however it happens.  The extent to which divorce has left its marks is something which I’m only starting to realise now……whilst getting to know a man.

Initially it wasn’t difficult.  A suggested singleton, number/email passed on, a couple messages exchanged.  That bit’s easy, I can do that.  At some point however we have to exit the virtual world.  Unfortunately for me, he isn’t a fan of email/texts etc and prefers real time.  Clearly the more mature way to deal with things, I can appreciate that.  Those nerves disappear, the phone call is easy, we get on well.

A couple of video calls in (some distance prevents an initial meetup), we get on great and talk with ease.  It’s been a long time since I’ve met a man that I can talk so comfortably with and who has that type of personality I’m attracted to.  He reminds me of somebody though and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Third call in and the penny drops.  He reminds me of my ex.

Clearly I have a type.  I am attracted to a certain look.  I’m attracted to an outgoing, joker personality.  The things I thought my ex was.  Since the realisation, I can’t stop thinking about how much of an act this chap might be putting on.  Is he the same as my ex? Is he lying about all the things he’s telling me?  Is he shagging everything that moves?

It’s sad to be painting him with the same brush.  I can’t seem to stop myself.  Ever since the penny dropped, I feel distant and guarded.  I’m starting to wonder if I attract psychopaths. How unfair given I have no reason to believe the newbie is one.  I feel frustrated.  Angry that my ex may have got the best of me even now.

4 thoughts on “The Penny Drops

  1. I imagine this happening to me too. But the way I see it is – your last sentence is the turning point – you said ‘that your ex may have gotten the best of me even now’ That’s not true – he’s only getting the best of you, if you let the fear and his past behaviour prevent you from exploring and reaching out in hope and from a positive secure place. He gets the best of you if you let him damage this chance. Sure, new guy could be a weirdo, or he could be a great guy. Will it be the same as last time? No because you will have so many lessons from last time, you have new questions to ask, new things to consider, a stronger idea of what you want. You can take your time after all, don’t rush, if he’s worth it he will go through all the details you need.

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    • Thank you for your comment astar101 and insights. Perhaps my worry is that have I actually learnt lessons from last time? Part of me feels very insecure about the fact that I might end up in the same type of relationship again and I have this fear that I only attract nutters.

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  2. I feel the exact same when meeting new people. Do I attract psychos or am I attracted to them? What can I do differently to not re-create the same terrible experience? After reading your thoughts I realize it may be somewhat normal to have those fears. Your blog has given me so much comfort and perspective. Totally makes me feel like I’m not alone, I’m in my late 20’s when everyone around me is gushing with happiness over their new marriages or in the process of getting married.

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