Divorce itself is fairly difficult to heal from however it happens. The extent to which divorce has left its marks is something which I’m only starting to realise now……whilst getting to know a man.
Initially it wasn’t difficult. A suggested singleton, number/email passed on, a couple messages exchanged. That bit’s easy, I can do that. At some point however we have to exit the virtual world. Unfortunately for me, he isn’t a fan of email/texts etc and prefers real time. Clearly the more mature way to deal with things, I can appreciate that. Those nerves disappear, the phone call is easy, we get on well.
A couple of video calls in (some distance prevents an initial meetup), we get on great and talk with ease. It’s been a long time since I’ve met a man that I can talk so comfortably with and who has that type of personality I’m attracted to. He reminds me of somebody though and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Third call in and the penny drops. He reminds me of my ex.
Clearly I have a type. I am attracted to a certain look. I’m attracted to an outgoing, joker personality. The things I thought my ex was. Since the realisation, I can’t stop thinking about how much of an act this chap might be putting on. Is he the same as my ex? Is he lying about all the things he’s telling me? Is he shagging everything that moves?
It’s sad to be painting him with the same brush. I can’t seem to stop myself. Ever since the penny dropped, I feel distant and guarded. I’m starting to wonder if I attract psychopaths. How unfair given I have no reason to believe the newbie is one. I feel frustrated. Angry that my ex may have got the best of me even now.