It Makes You Think….

Whenever something awful happens, we’re always told to think about how much better off we are than others.  “There’s always someone worse off than you”.

That philosophy doesn’t sit hugely well with me.toiletpaper-300x269

It screams of a type of arrogance; “look at other people’s lives and thank your lucky stars that you’re not one of them”.

At what point does it become unreasonable to say that?  We used to look at people in Africa, the famines of Ethiopia when I was younger, and told to be thankful we had food….has this come back to haunt us now with food banks becoming rife in the U.K.?

On a lesser level, post divorce, I am constantly told “atleast you didn’t have children”.  It’s irritating; Why should I feel as though I am in a luckier position than someone who did?

6 thoughts on “It Makes You Think….

  1. I think (personally) people do not know what to say; however, feel the need to add a fix to the statement or situation so they are handy with the use of cliche’s.

    My problem is big to me. Your problem is big to you and just as important. I get sick and tired of hearing my mother say, “Why don’t you be thankful for what you DO have instead of what you DON’T!” Because I haven’t received enough medication to sit in a chair and be thankful for getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go to work and be in an office all day long with no natural sunlight. Oh yes, I am eternally grateful to open my power bill to find out it is a record whopping $400.00!

    I dislike cliches. Most people don’t even know what they are saying! Next time someone uses one on you as with the children comment, ask them, “How so?” I love the ones people use:

    There are more fish in the sea.
    He didn’t deserve you anyway.
    There is someone out there that will treat you better.

    The response to these should be, “Please elaborate on this for me. I am having a hard time understanding what you are saying.” They will be just a clueless as they were when they opened their mouth the first time.

    No one walks in your shoes but you. Listening is the best thing someone can do. Sometimes, listening and only listening. That is what we need sometimes and usually end up paying someone in an office to sit and listen to us (therapist).

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  2. Hey Desi and Fabulous.

    I love the honesty you put through in your blog. It’s open and raw.

    I read previously you didn’t feel the pressure to have kids until you were ready. In my relationship it was a bit different. I was ready for kids but with an extremely abusive man so I put it off until he changed or the relationship ended.

    My brother several years younger than me had his kid around the time I was desperate to start a family. My sister who also is younger than me is (Mashallah) extremely happy and now in a position to start trying as are most of my closest set of cousins all parents or about to become.

    I emailed a Mufti because I was desperate for guidance on how to answer the children post. The extent of my pain was;

    And now.. As family find out. They all make one comment. Thank God, you didn’t have any children together. I doubt they understand how painful that comment isis to hear. It breaks my heart every single time I hear it. I smile and say yes, but it was as Allah wills. Don’t they think I wish to be a mother? My family and friends, women of my age and now even less are fulfilling motherhood and I don’t know if I am ever going to be granted that happiness and pleasure of knowing I have  children. Would you please find time in one of your future information statuses to just ask people to think about the hurt  before they speak. What is condolences surely are, and even if they only say it once.. I know I have only started hearing it and I have a very long path ahead of me. Please pray for me. 

    The response he sent back in part (still in my favourites box) ;

    Be yourself and tell them, well I think maybe I should have had a child because I love children.

    Maybe that way they would see the other side. Subhanallah

    As small as his reply was it made me realise I didn’t have to put up with people’s shit to be polite.

    Sorry for a long ramble, I just hope it got easier for you. X

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