The last post on this topic resulted in a few messages from upset friends, some family members wanting to “check in” (I have a feeling they read the post but they are a sweet bunch so could genuinely have been checking in) and bizarrely quite a few emails from people who have misidentified me as one of their family members! I have no issues with people who know me reading the blog but I keep most of those thoughts here, they don’t venture out into my reality, not yet anyway.
I’ve been troubled by something recently. It came to light that my ex is getting married soon*. Yes a little part of me is gutted that I never beat him to it but common sense prevailed before I dragged my only proposer, Abdul from Trinidad**, down the aisle. Anyway, the whole marriage thing isn’t what bothers me. I mentioned to my brother that I felt sorry for mistress as she doesn’t know what’s about to come her way. “She knows what she got into” was his reply. The remains of my brother’s anger still catches me offguard and although I understand it, I don’t agree with what he said,
Clare’s law. I remember listening with interest to all the ongoing debates before Clare’s law was piloted in England. It’s essentially a disclosure scheme allowing woman to check with the police if their current partner has a history of domestic violence. It was named after Clare Wood who was killed by her partner, unaware of his history of violence against women including repeated harassment, threats and the knifepoint kidnapping of another ex-girlfriend.
Clare’s law however wouldn’t help the likes of people who enter into a relationship with my ex husband; I never disclosed any crimes against him. As if coming out of a relationship with a violent cheat doesn’t leave you with enough issues to deal with, add onto it a sense of guilt. Guilt for never being strong enough to be able to report it to the police.
Now you get to the crux of it. As a result of my inactions, have I endangered other women? I try to justify it in different ways to myself yet I am still left with that churning feeling inside that tells me the answer is yes.