A Guilty Conscience Needs No Accuser

My title is apparently a Punjabi proverb but for the sake of argument, let’s also say it is a Hindi and Urdu on too.  My aunt introduced it to me today.  She phoned me with what seemed to be a guilty conscience, I should mention however that she isn’t the person the title refers to nor whom she was referring to!

She was at a charity event yesterday and bumped into my ex sister in law, Nippy Sweetie, who made a point of greeting her whilst ignoring my mother.  My aunt felt guilty at having smiled and exchanged pleasantries, so much so that she felt the need to let me know.  She gave me her theory as to why Nippy Sweetie behaved like this and it boiled down to ye old proverb.  To me, it’s not a big deal.  If someone greets you then you greet them back.  Simples.

I know why she greeted this aunt in particular.  Nippy Sweetie is a typical Pakistani-stereotyped “chalak” (sly) woman.  My dad’s side of the family are mostly from Pakistan whereas my mum’s side are born here.  During my marriage, my ex in-laws formed an affinity with my dad’s sister in laws, moaning to them about me amongst other things.  In their minds, my dad’s side aren’t close to me whereas my mum’s are so they try to play upon the sympathies of one side.  The reality is that my mum’s side are just a lot more no nonsense and would put them in their place which they have done (to my delight) on a number of occasions.

What bothers me more is why she felt the need to ignore and walk past my mother.  If she chose to greet one family member then extend that same courtesy of “Salaam” to another.  I can’t seem to get my head around what their anger is towards my family.  Why take the anger of your brother’s infidelity out on me and my parents/siblings?  Perhaps somebody can shed some light on this as it continues to baffle me.

7 thoughts on “A Guilty Conscience Needs No Accuser

  1. Perhaps you’re right anon. Although I don’t really buy it! My ex in-laws are the type who believe they are never wrong so won’t have thought anything they did to me during the course of the marriage was wrong xx

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  2. In simple terms I would say its that age old ‘typical Asian arrogance and pride’ – as you say they are the type who never do wrong but as you also know, arrogance was what led to the downfall of Iblis. Karma sis – it comes full circle 😉
    There’s probably a proper psychology behind it all, factoring in a deep rooted albeit unconscious shamefulness (at what their own blood is capable of) which leads to this holier than thou attitude as a means of self preservation because to interact with you or your immediate family would be equal to an admission of guilt.
    In any case, nothing lost by not having their acknowledgment – just shows they have something to be ashamed of.

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    • I do believe in karma but sometimes I wonder whether we get to see it on this earth or not. I’m still waiting for their reality check to kick in (perhaps when mistress becomes daughter in-law and they realise I wasn’t so bad after all!). Great reminder about the story of Iblis, thanks much for your insight! xx

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      • Some people can be so rude! Married for life, if you have nothing good to say then just keep quiet or at least be a bit more pleasant if you’re trying to ‘engage’.

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