Un-Homely Girl

Post divorce, I was somewhat sure it would be unlikely that I would end up with a Pakistani man again.  A little time passed before I realised that I was being narrow minded and that I shouldn’t taint all men with the same brush.  A little more time passed before I decided that I wasn’t being narrow minded at all but infact my culture is still very much full of narrow minded men.  Please note, when I say “Pakistani man”, I mean someone born and brought up in my home country but whose roots are Pakistani.  Now, I will generalise a bit here but humour me.

Pakistani men likes:

 – Pretty

– Skinny

– “Homely” (enjoys staying at home and won’t focus on career)

– Traditional (will cook a decent curry)

– Family-orientated (code for “will live with in-laws”)

– Degree educated (Should have gone to university and got a good professional degree but at the same time understands that she should be homely after marriage)


– Pretty (well to me and my mama, I have nice eyes and a cute button nose)

Skinny……..Voluptuous (not skinny and not fat but don’t mind admitting that I have some jiggle)

Homely…….Has visions of galavanting around the world to become the next Florence Nightingale.

Traditional……can cook a semi-reasonable curry although hate cooking and prefer to make myself a bowl of cornflakes while I live alone.

– Family orientated….Love family however do not have a burning desire to live with perfectly fit, able bodied in-laws.

 – Degree educated…..got that bad boy in the bag but no desire to be “homely” with it.

Three out of six ( and that’s me being somewhat generous with my explanations above).  I am a three out of six to the Asian man out there.  The last guy I met explained he wanted someone to listen to him and his adventures (I talked too much).  The guy before that told me he wanted a stay at home wife (stay at home to do what, I’m not quite sure).  The guy before that told me he didn’t want someone westernised (as he eyed me up and down in my oh so sexy maxi dress).

I think it’s time to venture outside of the box.

6 thoughts on “Un-Homely Girl

  1. awww I love your sense of humour even though you’ve gone through so much!!! I hope you don’t mind me saying this but you’ve probably heard it before (and don’t wanna hear it!), but your funny and a talented writer. Your creative and clever and your ex has lost something special. Out of something you went through that was horrible, you might of helped others with your inspirational positive thoughts. this is going to sound cliché but ”you can do so much better than your ex!”.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Anon, thank you for your lovely words. I do think my ex has lost more than he will ever realise and I have no doubt that I could have and can do much better! I hope it has helped others as this blog was started at a time when I struggled for help myself x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha good one! thats exactly what i think i wont end one with Pakistani again and still not narrow minded but seeing all the guys and proposals i only get convinced more and more!
    Definitely you deserve much more more better than any of those idiots lol! Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg I actually LOL’d at ‘code for live with in-laws’ ONE thing I will NOT miss is living with in-laws I am telling you! Can I add ‘someone who will ‘mix’ in the family’ I’m not flour to add to a cake. And I’m trying to get married to your son, not get adopted. I don’t need to ‘mix’ into anything, I will be nice and friendly and treat you with respect heck, I even brought them eid gifts and would pay for family dinners, one thing I won’t tolerate is people I barely knew now feeling entitled to telling me what to wear, where to go and moaning if I don’t obey. Damn asians (I am pakistani – the cultural hate is real). I wear maxi dresses all the time – what’s wrong with those? We’re obviously way too corrupt xD

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I just want to start off by saying that I would rather be grouped in your category all day. I’ve been married for almost 9 years but have been fighting for a separation for almost 1. I spent far too long trying to make everyone around me happy by trying to fit into the first grouping because that’s what was expected of me. I love the fact that you are true to yourself and proud of who you really are.


    • Hi Sharan, sorry to hear about your own troubles and I hope you manage to get some resolution soon, a year is a long time to be trying. You’re right that it’s better to be true to ourselves. A friend recently told me to play the silly dolly bird as men tend to like that. I felt quite insulted at that comment and insulted for men by that comment. I’m sure somewhere out there are men who like smart, confident women.


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